#fighter Ryan DeJong

How does a young man find the internal fortitude to stand by the love of his life, as she battled cancer? In an age where loyalty is fleeting, and relationships of convenience are all too frequent, we occasionally meet people who redefine love, loyalty, and commitment. Meet Ryan DeJong, who’s wife Michelle, lost her battle to a brain tumor exactly a year ago today. The poetic injustice — he lost the love of his life on the day devoted to celebrating love. I knew Michelle well; she spent a few semesters as one of my students. The ultimate fighter, Michelle, fought hard. And by her side, every step of the way like a rock, stood Ryan. I was intrigued by his steadfast commitment, and wondered about the roots of this young man. As we spoke at a local watering hole, I was touched by the sincerity in his eyes, and in his voice.

Ryan grew up in rural North Carolina, in a large family. His parents, and theirs before them, were dairy farmers. His crowded childhood, and his rural surroundings, molded him and shaped his work ethic. Three key experiences shaped his life, and his psyche. He grew up in a deeply religious home, but never failed to ask about the ‘why’ behind the scriptures. A segregated church split by factions with opposing views on gays, and the death of his father when he was 19, were events that changed him as a person. He learnt early never to do anything that would disgrace his family name. Ryan has an unquenchable desire to do the right thing to make his Dad proud. I noticed the emotion in his eyes, and I too blinked back my tears as I thought of my Dad, and the same loss and sentiment that I carry in my heart.

He met Michelle through some common friends. The day she met him, she called her mom and told her that she had met the man she was going to marry. And then cancer stole their ‘together’ life and created a new normal of hospitals, surgeries, chemo and radiation. “I got tremendous strength from her the first year. She fought harder for me than she fought for herself”, he told me. Maybe that was what gave birth to the #fighter movement. His goal: to share her experiences, and his, to help others. He silently wished he had told the story about the ‘ugly’ side of cancer. While the love of his life passed away a year ago, he is driven by an overwhelming desire to make a difference by the way he lives his life, so that he can honor hers. “We were better together. We had the world by the balls. Cancer stole from her — her life, her dreams, her potential”.

I asked him about what lay ahead… The last year for him has felt like a lifetime. The lows were very low. He sought counseling, learning more about himself in the process, than about coping with grief. Ryan’s commitment towards the fighter foundation is laser focused. His goal is to help build a community of courage, and someday, write a book. I left our conversation, emotionally moved.

As you celebrate the special person you love this Valentine’s Day, pause and think of Ryan, and Michelle — and others like them — whose lives were changed by cancer. And say a silent prayer, and count your blessings. It takes a special person to fight for a cause that is larger than them. Ryan, the fighter, is one of those special people………

Insights: 10 Questions

1. What drives you?
   Happiness.
2. If you had to go to the moon and take a single piece of music with you what would you take and why?
   Mumford and Sons.
   
3. If you were a cocktail, how would you describe yourself? What kind would you be and why?
   Cement Mixer: Volatile ingredients; explodes in your mouth (Laughs)…
4. Who in the world would you most like to sit down and have a drink with (living or dead) and why?
   My Dad (he died when I was young).
   
5. If you had a single piece of advice to give to young people, what would it be?
   Live fearlessly; be BOLD.
   
6. Who’s career do you envy and why?
   Anthony Bourdain.
   
7. When you were 16 years old what did you most often get in trouble for?
   I was a model child. I found trouble in the later years of my life.
8. If there were one word to describe your family life growing up as a child, what would it be?
   Crowded.
9. What is the most important thing you remember about your first love?
   Love is relative – love evolves.
   
10. What would you like your legacy to be?
    He made a difference. Worked hard. Took action. Held nothing back.